Eyes to See

A Story of Faith and Asking For A Miracle Written by Brittany Staker

I remember going to the school gym for the eye test in third grade. I’d always passed before, so I wasn’t worried. But as I stepped to the line for the exam, everything was blurry, and I panicked. I knew I was going to need glasses. 

I started wearing glasses and became used to the fact that life is blurry. And that was okay. I didn’t expect that in 20 years time, my eyes would see in a different light. I would learn to see through His eyes.

 Over 10 years ago, I was living in Austin, Texas. At that time, my husband and I had been married for 10 years and our kids were 8, 5 and 3. At a routine eye exam, my doctor informed me that they had a new test that would allow them to take pictures of the backs of my eyes.

I won’t ever forget the look on the doctor’s face as he delivered the results of the test– it was filled with grief. All I heard was, “eye disease… blindness…and no cure or timeline.” My only thought was that there must be a mistake. 

Life stopped. I walked to my car and called my husband to tell him that I had been diagnosed with Retinitis Pigmentosa (RP). I didn’t even know what to say or how to begin. How do you tell your spouse that you are going to go blind and there is no cure? I kept thinking of my family. What was our life going to look like? Could I still be a mom and wife? What about my mom trips to Target where I just walk and decompress? Life seemed impossible.

I became angry. I tried my whole life to be good, so why was something happening to me that was so bad? I stopped praying and reading my scriptures. I stopped doing those things that would keep me close to my Savior and Heavenly Father.

It was then that I officially felt lost and alone.

I didn’t think life could get any harder than it already was, but it did. Getting out of bed was hard. I had no motivation. In my own midst of darkness, I didn’t know what to do or where to go.

I remember one night as I lay in bed with tears in my eyes, a thought came to my mind. “Brittany, do you trust me? Because I’ve got this. Don’t push me away. You hold on to the faith you have. You can do this because I have already walked this path for you. Take my hand and we can walk this mountain together.”

I quickly sat up and ran to my closet to pray. I prayed for forgiveness of my hardened heart. I prayed to let Heavenly Father and the Savior know how much I love them and to express gratitude for not giving up on me. I realized if I was going to climb this life-long mountain, I was going to have to cling to my faith and my lantern of the light of Christ. If I was going to make the journey, I needed to do everything I could to stay close to Him.

 One of the first habits I brought back into my life was prayer; I prayed long and hard. I read my scriptures even more and often referenced the story of Christ healing the blind man. I knew it was possible for me to have my own miracle and the gift of sight, I just needed to have faith– the miracle-healing kind of faith. And I did. I truly did. So, I waited. And waited. My family did a fast for me. I attended the temple, my place of worship. I did all things you do when you are seeking a miracle. 

One particular month, we headed to Houston to have a special test done for RP patients. I sat in a dark, pitch black room for an hour while doctors flashed bright lights into my eyes. It was blinding. Sitting in the room with my husband, I was aware of his presence yet unable to see him. It felt like a cruel joke of what my future would look like. I remember thinking, “This can’t be my life. It’s too dark.”

After the test was complete, the doctor came in and said he didn’t think it was RP. I couldn’t believe it! God had healed me. I was given a miracle of my own like the blind man we read in the Bible. I called my family and my friends to rejoice with them! I felt my mustard seed of faith had turned into a tree. I knew it! I knew I had the faith of the blind man to be healed. I counted my many blessings and prayed so much thankfulness and gratitude! 

And so life continued. We moved to Colorado. Life was busy between work and kids and home life, but it was good. It was filled with hope. One day, I received a phone call from my eye specialist in Austin, Texas. She explained that I had been on her mind and she felt like I should follow up with an eye specialist here in Denver right away. I was surprised by her urgency, but I wasn’t worried.

Remember, I had been healed. 

I went through twelve different tests. When the doctor walked in, I had a deja vu moment. I had seen that face before, and I knew what he was about to say. I had RP; it never left. I was never healed. My miracle had never come.

Driving home felt like a lifetime. I cried as I wondered, “What now?” I looked out my window and saw my reflection. I saw someone who was just told her world is going to get darker. But then I looked again, and when I did I saw a rainbow of sparkle. I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from, but as I followed the light, I realized it was coming from ME. I realized the light was hitting my earrings just right, and it was reflecting onto everything around me.

God taught me an important lesson that day. If I faced myself daily towards “the Son,” he would help me not only see His light and love, but also be able to share my light and His light with those around me. I realized I had a decision to make. Would I continue to climb my mountain with Jesus, or on my own?  Was I going to let my light shine for others to see as I glorified my Father in Heaven?

I chose the light. Everyday I try so hard to remind myself of that choice because since that time, life has gotten darker.

A little over a year and a half ago, I lost complete vision in my right eye. I thought it would be  temporary, but it has become permanent. My sweet kids would plead with Heavenly Father, “Please bless moms eyes.” As time went on, I could see that they were confused. Why weren't our family prayers being answered? My husband and I sat them down and had a sweet conversation. God hears and answers our prayers, but He sometimes has a different plan for us. My eyes were indeed being blessed, but in a different way than we expected. I have been blessed to see the big picture– the heavenly view. The view that I will one day stand before my Savior, Jesus Christ, and I know He will be the first face I see when I am healed.

“Thy faith hath made thee whole.” I can tell you that is true for me. I am whole. Even without the gift of sight. 

Today, my life looks and feels different than I ever thought it would. I fall daily. I drop and break things. I run into walls. I no longer drive a car. I cry. I feel sorry for myself. Those things can bring the darkness, but I also seek those things that bring the light.

I rise again. The things I break can be fixed and replaced. I am patient. I have friends and family that can drive me. I smile. I embrace the hard and give myself grace. I can see the light of Christ and feel the love of God.

I know what it feels like to wait and pray so hard for a certain miracle to happen. 

And while you wait patiently, you hear of others miracles. You wonder, where’s mine? I remind myself of this quote and you can too.

“At times we thoughtfully wonder why the miracle we have so earnestly prayed for does not happen … Whether in this life or the next, all will be made right.”— Elder Neil L. Andersen, “What Thinks Christ of Me?”

All will be made right. 

The miracles will come. They have for me. Ones that I didn’t see coming, but ones that I know could only come from a loving Heavenly Father. He knows your heart. And He knows mine. He knows what we need and when we need it. 

Decide today to see, be, and get on your knees for the miracle, and great and wondrous blessings—big and small—surely will come. 

I choose to focus on my Savior, Jesus Christ with my 20/20 spiritual vision. I have to. I need to. Because I know He’s focusing on me. And He’s focusing on you. He will help you see yourself the way He sees you. You will see His light in your eyes. And because of that, you can do ALL things through Him and because of Him.