His Hand Stretched Out
A Story of Faith Written by Jori Victory
I grew up on the East Coast, a short distance from the Atlantic ocean. I love the beach. Give me a hot summer day, warm brown sand between my toes and the call of seagulls wanting my lunch. I love the rhythmic sound of the ocean waves crashing against the shore, constant, beautiful and sometimes dangerous.
The ocean reminds me of the many waves I have had in my life. Some waves crashed so hard on me I didn’t think I would survive. They left me gasping for air and wondering their purpose.
One of my largest and scariest waves hit me when I was a 20 year old college student. I was living the college life and having what I thought was the time of my life! In between playing Division 1 soccer and going to my classes, I spent my time partying whenever I had the chance. I couldn’t wait for the weekend! I grew up going to church with my family. It was a big part of my life, but with college I had all of this new found freedom. I put God and church on the back burner.
Suddenly my world, as I knew it, crashed in around me. Without warning, I was engulfed by an enormous wave swell. I found out I was pregnant. I was scared. I couldn’t breathe. I felt the pull of the water. I was sinking. I tried to swim my way to the surface to get some air. I judged myself really harshly and wondered how I could be so reckless. I felt alone. Hopeless. Faithless.
It was then in the middle of my storm I, like Peter, was found. I felt the gentle yet strong rescuing hand of the Savior, Jesus Christ. He reached in, grabbed my desperate hand and pulled me to safety by using those around me to answer my pleading prayers for help. He didn’t remove my circumstances from me. Instead he walked with me through it.
When I found out I was pregnant my priorities shifted. I no longer cared about the life I was previously living. I knew I needed God’s help during this time and I remembered where to find it. I decided to attend church regularly again. I spent time praying and reading his words daily. I didn’t want to walk this path without him. He allowed my storm to rage but he became my constant companion through that life changing experience and I saw his hand more clearly than ever before. I thought I knew what it meant to sacrifice for the ones we love but I learned it ten fold while on this journey. I learned to have grace for myself and others on similar paths. But most of all I learned how his hand was in all the little details of my story.
With His loving and steady guidance I made the best choice for myself and my baby at that time. I chose to place her for adoption.
You see, I was also adopted. Growing up I never knew my biological family. Due to having a closed adoption, I always felt there was a piece of me missing. There were even times in my young teen years, where I didn’t feel I belonged or fit into my family. So although I felt I was making the right choice at the time, I really wrestled with the idea of placing my baby for adoption. Would my child grow up feeling unwanted and abandoned?
Although our stories are different and I have an open adoption with my birth daughter, I knew she could possibly have the same feelings I did when I was younger. It was one of the hardest choices I have ever made, one that I have to live with every single day. But through God‘s grace, a lot of therapy, my family and support through other adoptees and birth mothers, in the adoption community, I have found so much love and healing.
Even though the waves have continued to come and go, I tightly clung to my Savior’s hand and was able to experience so many miracles and blessings since then. One of the many miracles I have received since then was finding and reuniting with my own biological mother, just six short months after I placed my daughter for adoption. It was all in God’s perfect timing. I found that missing piece I had been searching for with God’s help. I realized I was never really alone. God had always been there watching, walking towards me on the surface of my raging stormy sea, waiting for me to reach for Him. My faith through that trial grew exponentially.
My current storm has left me exhausted and defeated. No one gets married thinking it will end in divorce. But here I am, learning, growing, stretching and healing in all the ways only God knew I needed to. For so long, my fear to fully hand over my trust to God to help me know what I should do kept me frozen and stuck. But as I continue on this path I feel guided and blessed. The sun is beginning to peak through those dark and ominous clouds and the warm rays are giving my soul a new hope.
Like Peter, at times I think we get distracted and take our focus off of the Savior. We feel ourselves begin to sink beneath the waves. The Lord knows we will face distractions, we will feel weak, and we will doubt, but His hand is always stretched out, ready to help us again and again.
We all have waves and trials in our lives. Some waves and storms last longer than others. Some waves are mighty, while others are tiny swells. My most recent waves include betrayal, trauma, divorce and beginning the overwhelming journey of being a single mom. My trials and waves won’t end until I’m called home. It is the same for everyone. Others may have waves that include cancer, crippling anxiety, sick children or even the death of a loved one. But like the endless ebb and flow of the ocean against the beach that I love so much, I am reminded that my Savior will always be there reaching for me and you. He will calm the elements. He will lift us from our troubled seas. He will put His arm around us and together we will walk back to the safety of the shore.
