Seeking God’s Navigation
A Story of Faith Written by Aimee Hada
Last winter we went on a ski trip to Big Bear right as a massive snowstorm hit the area. Power to the entire town was on and off all weekend, and the roads were dangerously slick and icy. On our way back to the cabin from skiing, we hit some extremely thick fog. I have never before experienced such limited visibility. We could only see about five feet in front of us. We didn’t have anyone to follow, and we couldn’t see the lines on the road well enough to stay in our lane, and so the only way we were able to move forward was for me to use the curvy path on our own navigation system to help blindly guide my husband, Rich, as he drove. It was terrifying! I could tell what path the road was taking ahead as I looked at the map on our screen and would tell him to veer slightly to the left, or, you're coming up on a switchback and about to make a U-turn to the right, now straighten out, etc. After this white-knuckle drive had gone on for about 30 minutes, we took a right-hand turn and the fog suddenly cleared, and we were able to travel the rest of the way back to the cabin in safety and with good visibility, much to our relief.
Many times in life, I’ve found myself in the midst of a metaphorical fog, desperately needing heavenly navigation.
In the summer of 2014, I was walking through a parking garage pushing my youngest in the stroller with my two girls in tow and I had the distinct impression that these were not all my children; that my family wasn’t yet complete. At first I thought perhaps my impression was something I had fabricated, but as time went on, I never forgot that moment in the dimly lit parking garage, and I believe that impressions from the Holy Spirit are not easily forgotten. Maybe it was inspiration from the Lord that we were not done building our family after all. So Rich and I decided to move forward with having another baby.
Soon thereafter, I had a positive pregnancy test! At my first doctor appointment, my doctor couldn’t see a pregnancy on the ultrasound, so he assumed the pregnancy was too early to be detected, and checked my hCG (pregnancy hormone) levels to be sure they were compatible with pregnancy. It turns out, they weren’t. My numbers were too low for a viable pregnancy, so my doctor braced me for an impending miscarriage.
After another week or so, my doctor rechecked my hCG levels to be sure they were steadily declining, only to discover that they hadn’t dropped at all. Through a series of additional tests, body scans, treatments, and surgeries over several months, it was determined that there had never even been a pregnancy, and that the next best step was for me to be evaluated by an oncologist. He was worried I had some type of hCG-releasing cancer.
And he was right. The diagnosis came in as choriocarcinoma (cancer of the placenta) and I started chemo immediately. However, as time went on we realized we weren’t dealing with a typical presentation of choriocarcinoma. It was an extremely rare presentation of an extremely rare form of cancer and though my doctors were doing their best, they didn’t know what was going on. I had failed two chemo regimens in a row, and the cancer seemed to be worsening even after a year of chemo. They started to doubt whether they even knew what kind of cancer we were dealing with, and thought perhaps I had a different type of hCG-releasing cancer that is best treated with a hysterectomy rather than chemo. After a challenging conversation, my doctor suggested that a hysterectomy might be the next best step since it seemed the chemo was not working. My doctor was leaving the decision up to me, and it felt so heavy. The fog felt so thick.
There was so much at stake–my life, my fertility, my future family. I needed the step-by-step, follow-this-curve type of direction I could only get from Him. Even though I had faith that the Lord would answer my prayers, I felt the fog of doubt settling in as I considered that the questions I needed answers to were, What kind of cancer do I have, and how do I best treat it? How could I get such specific answers? I knew the Lord knew what my doctors and I didn’t know, but it seemed near impossible to get answers to such specific questions such as these. Nevertheless, I took my questions to the Lord in desperate prayer. I discussed with my husband, spent time in my house of worship, and dove deep into the scriptures.
I felt impressed to re-read through the chapters I had been studying earlier in the week, and as I did so, I felt the fog lift and a clarity come as I saw that the stories and teachings I was reading directly related to my situation. The scriptures became alive for me. I learned to recognize metaphors, phrases, and language that the spirit confirmed were direct answers to prayers. Rather than reading about people who lived centuries ago, I felt like I was reading a narrative of my own life, and I could see how the Lord was guiding me on my foggy path. After reading one particular verse, I knew that I had found my answer–after over a year of stumped doctors and failed treatments–and that I did in fact have choriocarcinoma, and that a hysterectomy was not the right treatment and would not be curative, and that what I needed was to continue chemo.
It’s a scary thing to tell a doctor you don’t want to do what he or she is recommending, especially when you’re talking about something life-threatening like cancer, but once I made the decision to continue chemo, I felt at peace. The Spirit had testified through feelings of peace that it was right, and I knew that I had taken the right direction on my path.
Although the Lord had heard my cries and had answered my very specific questions, it wasn’t time for my deliverance just yet. My battle with cancer lasted for another year after I received the answer that what I needed was to continue chemo. Several more times I found myself back in the fog, making huge, potentially life altering decisions, and each time I used the scriptures to navigate me through until I could see clearly again. I started a new chemo regimen that my doctors told me would cause infertility, not understanding how I could have another baby that I felt so impressed to have. I stopped chemo, very much against my doctor’s requests, when I felt like God was leading me to do so. At one point I ignored promptings from the spirit, struggling to trust that God could possibly want me to do what He was asking me to do, and found myself wandering in the fog a little longer. I saw His ways manifest when I followed Him, even though it seemed to defy all medical reason and logic. I’m not suggesting that we should challenge our doctors’ every recommendation, but in my case, my doctors admittedly didn’t know what to do with me, and left many huge decisions entirely up to me—and I knew the only person that could give me definitive answers was God.
God will answer your prayers. He will give you the guidance and direction and answers you are seeking, no matter how difficult it may seem to receive those answers. Even questions as difficult as What kind of cancer do I have? and How and when do we treat this cancer? can be answered. Our scripture study can go beyond “everything will be okay” feelings, and we can receive specific answers to our prayers.
I could never have created a road map that would have led me through cancer, and eventually to the miracle of my sweet little boy. As God guided me in making every major decision, put new research in front of my doctors, carefully crafted the timing of chemo, inspired me to seek out a doctor across the country who would know what medication to put me on to preserve my fertility, and as my husband and I took leap after leap of faith, we were able to get my cancer in remission and have our miracle baby a few years later against all odds.
If you find yourself in a similar spiritual fog seeking for answers, look to the Savior. He is in the passenger seat and He has the road map. Let Him guide you. Listen as He tells you to “veer left” or “make a sharp right” and you will see His path made clear.
God does not leave us alone. And He wants nothing more than to communicate with us, His sons and daughters. “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.” ( Matthew 7:7-8, KJV)
